Creature of the Day: Glaucus-winged Gull (December 5, 2016)
Dear cult-members Friends,
Creature of the Day is driven by CERTAIN CORE PRINCIPLES, and the greatest among these principles is the commitment to RESPOND to the INTELLECTUAL NEEDS of our DEAR READERS as expressed in their frequently preposterous requests. I CAN’T EVEN COUNT how many times we’ve been asked to show “the wide-open gape of a Glaucous-winged Gull”. So, in response to your annoying requests, here it is. AND FURTHERMORE, the Bonus Photo shows the handsome profile of this big-mouth bird.
CREATURE OF THE DAY SALUTES AN IMPORTANT WORLDWIDE HUMANITARIAN ORGANIZATION!! I’d like to acknowledge and thank a CotD charter subscriber, Charlie T of San Geronimo, CA, who alerted us to the HEARTWARMING GOOD WORK of Doctors without Personal Boundaries (known worldwide by their original French name, Médecins sans Frontières Personnelles). These are MEDICAL DOCTORS from all over the world who selflessly, and at great risk to themselves, offer unsolicited fashion sarcasm, annoying personal ‘tips’, absurd relationship advice, and other forms of totally inappropriate meddling to shocked, offended, & utterly aghast patients. Please give generously. www.MédecinssansFrontièresPersonnelles.org
Best regards,
Dave
Creature of the Day is driven by CERTAIN CORE PRINCIPLES, and the greatest among these principles is the commitment to RESPOND to the INTELLECTUAL NEEDS of our DEAR READERS as expressed in their frequently preposterous requests. I CAN’T EVEN COUNT how many times we’ve been asked to show “the wide-open gape of a Glaucous-winged Gull”. So, in response to your annoying requests, here it is. AND FURTHERMORE, the Bonus Photo shows the handsome profile of this big-mouth bird.
CREATURE OF THE DAY SALUTES AN IMPORTANT WORLDWIDE HUMANITARIAN ORGANIZATION!! I’d like to acknowledge and thank a CotD charter subscriber, Charlie T of San Geronimo, CA, who alerted us to the HEARTWARMING GOOD WORK of Doctors without Personal Boundaries (known worldwide by their original French name, Médecins sans Frontières Personnelles). These are MEDICAL DOCTORS from all over the world who selflessly, and at great risk to themselves, offer unsolicited fashion sarcasm, annoying personal ‘tips’, absurd relationship advice, and other forms of totally inappropriate meddling to shocked, offended, & utterly aghast patients. Please give generously. www.MédecinssansFrontièresPersonnelles.org
Best regards,
Dave
Creature of the Day: Sandhill Crane (November 19, 2016)
POP QUIZ! (Remember, your performance on this quiz will be recorded and entered into YOUR PERMANENT RECORD.)
Question: What should GOOD CITIZENS be thinking about during November?
- Heartwarming Thanksgiving traditions, especially gluttony(1).
- NFL Football and high-carb, high-fat, high-salt snacks
- Shopping for cisgender-specific HOLIDAY GIFTS with SAFE brand names such as COHIBA, ROLEX, or SMITH & WESSON and perhaps CUISINART, CLOROX, or NATIONAL ENQUIRER.
Sorry, subscribers – all of those choices are TOTALLY BOGUS and 100% wrong. The correct answer is SANDHILL CRANE CENTRAL VALLEY WINTER STOPOVER.
Today’s photos reflect the CORRECT priorities of the season. Tens of Thousands of Sandhill Cranes spend several weeks near Lodi (and in many other Central Valley locations) feeding, flying in tight formations, vocalizing eloquently, and generally goofing around. Yesterday, the CotD Wildlife Observation Team saw thousands of Sandhill Cranes move from daytime gleaning of dry cornfields to flooded fields that serve as evening roosts in a spectacular sunset ritual. These are very big birds.
Photo #1: sunset, looking toward the wind turbines near Walnut Grove, CA
Photo #2: Sandhill Cranes in flight
Photo #3: Sandhill Cranes in a mowed cornfield
Happy November,
Best regards,
Dave
FOOTNOTES
(1) Gluttony is a SIN. As we all know, the SEVEN DEADLY SINS include pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. (Dudes, this is BASIC CATECHISM. Hello?) The AMAZINGLY CONCISE list of vices was assembled from earlier Greek and Christian sources by Evagrius Ponticus, a very famous and well regarded 4th-century ascetic. In 383 he became a monk at the monastery of Melania the Elder in Jerusalem. Does this name sound familiar? MELANIA the Elder, namesake of a certain FLOTUS-elect, is, my dear friends, a SAINT. SAINT MELANIA. In the PRIDEFUL opinion of Creature of the Day, this is a rather ironic, and -- dare I say it -- COSMIC link between the Seven Deadly Sins and the POTUS-elect. NOTE: This observation is not EDITORIAL. We’re doing JOURNALISM here. I’m thinking Pulitzer.
www.dscomposition.com
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Creature of the Day: Killdeer (November 14, 2016)
Oddly, a “Killdeer” is not a bird that kills deer1. Although there isn’t anything within the frame of this photo to indicate scale, it’s a rather small and not-very-ferocious bird. However, SOMEBODY thought that the vocalization of this bird sounded like someone saying “kill-deer”, so that’s the official common name of this pretty little plover.
Have a nice day!
Dave
- The idea of a bird that COULD kill a deer is rather scary, although such birds exist! Around here, Bald Eagles and Golden Eagles routinely prey on mammals and other vertebrates (e.g., snakes, fish) that can be pretty big. Fauns are well-documented if occasional prey of eagles. However, and speaking of scary things, let’s not worry too much about deer-killing birds, when there are so many other scary things, like gingivitis, killer bees, highly-toxic mushrooms that look just like chanterelles, rampaging postal employees, osteoporosis, identity theft, mold and mildew, radon, toenail fungus, asteroids and comets striking the earth, alien abductions, leaky breast implants, BOTOX overdoses, angry Pit Bulls, ring-around-the-collar, benign prostatic hyperplasia, trans fats, IRS audits, and MOST SCARY OF ALL, the current federal political situation in the USA.
Have a nice day!
Dave
Creature of the Day: Tule Elk (November 6, 2016)
Please raise your hand if you think that those beautiful ANTLERS might also be called HORNS. My dear subscribers, ANTLERS and HORNS are not the same! I can tell from the DEPRESSING SILENCE that EVERYONE is eager to understand the difference between horns and antlers. It’s a GOOD THING that Creature of the Day CARES DEEPLY about the YOUR use and misuse of words.
All of these creatures are herbivores, but some herbivores can be pretty scary with those big HORNS and ANTLERS. How about those idiots who “run with the bulls” through Pamplona? Those bulls have very big HORNS. I guess this seemed like a great idea in 14th-century Spain. It was mostly a locals’ Catholic festival thing until SOME PEOPLE’S favorite author, Ernest Hemingway, romanticized this quaint bucolic tradition in The Sun Also Rises and Death in the Afternoon. Now, hundreds of knuckleheads from all over the world are seriously injured every year (including a death every few years) as they “run with the bulls”.
OK, so BIG DEAL. Maybe I’m just a little sour about Hemmingway’s success as an author. Yes, Ernest Hemmingway won a Pulitzer Prize and a Nobel Prize for Literature – neither of which I’ve won for Creature of the Day. YET.
Best regards,
Dave
- ANTLERS are shed and regrown every year. They consist of real skull bone.
- HORNS grow continuously year after year and are not shed. Horns consist of bone cores which protrude from the skull, and are covered with keratin, the same material that constitutes your fingernails. (Yes Charlie, the toenails too. VERY GOOD! And you might add the BALEEN of whales, smarty-pants.)
- ANTLERS are characteristic exclusively of the CERVIDAE (i.e., the deer family, which includes several dozen species of deer, elk, caribou, reindeer, and moose).
- HORNS are characteristic of the BOVIDAE (i.e., bison, buffalo, antelopes, gazelles, gnu, sheep, goats, muskoxen, and domestic cattle) as well as some other groups of ungulates, like pronghorns and rhinos.
All of these creatures are herbivores, but some herbivores can be pretty scary with those big HORNS and ANTLERS. How about those idiots who “run with the bulls” through Pamplona? Those bulls have very big HORNS. I guess this seemed like a great idea in 14th-century Spain. It was mostly a locals’ Catholic festival thing until SOME PEOPLE’S favorite author, Ernest Hemingway, romanticized this quaint bucolic tradition in The Sun Also Rises and Death in the Afternoon. Now, hundreds of knuckleheads from all over the world are seriously injured every year (including a death every few years) as they “run with the bulls”.
OK, so BIG DEAL. Maybe I’m just a little sour about Hemmingway’s success as an author. Yes, Ernest Hemmingway won a Pulitzer Prize and a Nobel Prize for Literature – neither of which I’ve won for Creature of the Day. YET.
Best regards,
Dave
Creature of the Day: Coyote (October 25, 2016)
Last Monday morning I encountered a female coyote in the Marin Headlands near the GGNRA visitor center. She was skittish and shy at first, but she became curious about me and my big camera. She watched me warily as I slowly crept around her to a better position so I could take advantage of nice light from the rising sun. (see attached photos)
She was cautious, but she didn’t fear me at all. Around southern Marin, the only local animal that could seriously threaten a coyote is a mountain lion, and mountain lions are observed in the area only very rarely.
“CLEVER” and TRICKY” are words used often to describe coyotes. One could even say they are “SAVVY”, which one dictionary defines as “experienced, knowledgeable; shrewd”.
“Savvy” has become an overused pop-culture shibboleth when combined with the preposterously overused CLICHÉ-wordlet, “tech”. Don’t we all WISH that our friends referred to us as TECH-SAVVY?
The EDUCATION COMMITTEE of the CotD Editorial Board ENDEAVORS DILIGENTLY to ILLUMINATE confusing and ambiguous terminology for our cherished CotD subscribers. So, TODAY’S TIRADE explores the nauseatingly frequent MIS-use of the term “TECH SAVVY”, often (mis)applied to anyone who knows how to push a couple of buttons or touch a screen icon. For example, a sincere young mom, upon witnessing her 6-year-old Suzie bringing up ULTRA HARD CORE XXX INTERNET PORN on Mommy’s iPhone (with a single touch to a hard-to-describe icon on Mommy’s home screen) will declare, with genuine pride, that Suzie is just so amazingly “TECH SAVVY”. WOW, what a prodigy!
FORTUNATELY, CotD is here to clear up all the confusion about what TECH SAVVY really means. Please study these two contrasting examples carefully so that you’ll use this troublesome term with confidence and precision.
Example 1: Alan Turing, British computer scientist, mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst and theoretical biologist, almost single-handedly invents a complex analog machine to decode NAZI military communications encoded on the notorious ENIGMA device. YES, this is an excellent example of TECH SAVVY.
Example 2: Donald Trump generates a TWEET-STORM at 3:00 AM cataloging his grotesquely distorted, preposterous assertions regarding alleged physical flaws and other putative shortcomings of Alicia Machado, Miss Universe 1996 -- with only minimal tech support from Kellyanne Conway. NO, this is not an example of TECH SAVVY.
Let’s admit it: Among all the dross flowing at us all day, every day from the Internet, we can always rely on Creature of the Day for reliable information.
Good Day.
She was cautious, but she didn’t fear me at all. Around southern Marin, the only local animal that could seriously threaten a coyote is a mountain lion, and mountain lions are observed in the area only very rarely.
“CLEVER” and TRICKY” are words used often to describe coyotes. One could even say they are “SAVVY”, which one dictionary defines as “experienced, knowledgeable; shrewd”.
“Savvy” has become an overused pop-culture shibboleth when combined with the preposterously overused CLICHÉ-wordlet, “tech”. Don’t we all WISH that our friends referred to us as TECH-SAVVY?
The EDUCATION COMMITTEE of the CotD Editorial Board ENDEAVORS DILIGENTLY to ILLUMINATE confusing and ambiguous terminology for our cherished CotD subscribers. So, TODAY’S TIRADE explores the nauseatingly frequent MIS-use of the term “TECH SAVVY”, often (mis)applied to anyone who knows how to push a couple of buttons or touch a screen icon. For example, a sincere young mom, upon witnessing her 6-year-old Suzie bringing up ULTRA HARD CORE XXX INTERNET PORN on Mommy’s iPhone (with a single touch to a hard-to-describe icon on Mommy’s home screen) will declare, with genuine pride, that Suzie is just so amazingly “TECH SAVVY”. WOW, what a prodigy!
FORTUNATELY, CotD is here to clear up all the confusion about what TECH SAVVY really means. Please study these two contrasting examples carefully so that you’ll use this troublesome term with confidence and precision.
Example 1: Alan Turing, British computer scientist, mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst and theoretical biologist, almost single-handedly invents a complex analog machine to decode NAZI military communications encoded on the notorious ENIGMA device. YES, this is an excellent example of TECH SAVVY.
Example 2: Donald Trump generates a TWEET-STORM at 3:00 AM cataloging his grotesquely distorted, preposterous assertions regarding alleged physical flaws and other putative shortcomings of Alicia Machado, Miss Universe 1996 -- with only minimal tech support from Kellyanne Conway. NO, this is not an example of TECH SAVVY.
Let’s admit it: Among all the dross flowing at us all day, every day from the Internet, we can always rely on Creature of the Day for reliable information.
Good Day.
Creature of the Day: Humpback Whale + Western Gull (October 5, 2016)
EVERY OCTOBER, I spend several hours each day staring at my phone, waiting for a call from Sweden (country code +46) with the news that I’ve won a Nobel Prize. So far, nothing. My dear CotD readers, PLEASE RESIST the obvious temptation to firmly, but gently EXPLAIN: “Dave, you’re not even an ECONOMIST, let alone a chemist, physicist, or biologist. How can YOU win a Nobel Prize?” But remember, dear readers, there IS a Nobel Prize for LITERATURE.
I had the good fortune to see WHALES last Sunday on a boat trip organized by Marin Audubon. It was amazing to see several Humpbacks cavorting and feeding in the waters about half way between the Golden Gate Bridge and Southeast Farallon. Today’s photo shows the flukes of a large Humpback just as it’s beginning a deep dive. LOOK CLOSELY and you’ll also see several smaller creatures in the water. Those are California Sea Lions, often seen in large groups feeding alongside the Humpbacks.
DID YOU KNOW that whales are fully-aquatic air-breathing placental mammals that evolved about 50 million years ago from land artiodactyls, a large Order of mammals that today includes pigs, hippos, giraffes, deer, and cows? Amazing.
AT NO EXTRA CHARGE, the BONUS PHOTO today shows the often-disrespected or worse, ignored Western Gull (aka “seagull”) in flight, in dark plumage which indicates that it’s a 1st-year (2016) bird. Look at the wing feathers. They're SPECTACULAR.
I had the good fortune to see WHALES last Sunday on a boat trip organized by Marin Audubon. It was amazing to see several Humpbacks cavorting and feeding in the waters about half way between the Golden Gate Bridge and Southeast Farallon. Today’s photo shows the flukes of a large Humpback just as it’s beginning a deep dive. LOOK CLOSELY and you’ll also see several smaller creatures in the water. Those are California Sea Lions, often seen in large groups feeding alongside the Humpbacks.
DID YOU KNOW that whales are fully-aquatic air-breathing placental mammals that evolved about 50 million years ago from land artiodactyls, a large Order of mammals that today includes pigs, hippos, giraffes, deer, and cows? Amazing.
AT NO EXTRA CHARGE, the BONUS PHOTO today shows the often-disrespected or worse, ignored Western Gull (aka “seagull”) in flight, in dark plumage which indicates that it’s a 1st-year (2016) bird. Look at the wing feathers. They're SPECTACULAR.
Creature of the Day: Double-crested Cormorant + Bay Pipefish (September 24, 2016)
Today’s photo #1, taken at Arrowhead Marsh near the Oakland Airport, shows a Double-crested Cormorant with a tasty Bay Pipefish in its bill. Look closely! It really is a Bay Pipefish, not a blade of eelgrass -- which the pipefish has evolved to mimic.
Cormorants have a reputation for being GREEDY, and standard dictionary definitions of CORMORANT use words like “voracious”, “rapacious”, “gluttonous”, “ravenous”, and “insatiable” to describe this big black bird that surface-dives and expertly swims underwater to catch fish. Most dictionaries include a second entry for CORMORANT that describes a PERSON who is ravenous, greedy, gluttonous, or voracious -- as in “No problem -- have a ‘bite’ of my Sour Cherry Strawberry Meringue Galette, but don’t be such a damn cormorant about it.”
Based on data collected during background checks(1) which CotD Subscriber Applicants must undergo, CotD recognizes and appreciates that many of our readers are word nerds. So, let’s check the etymology(2) of CORMORANT. This calls for the Good Book, by which I mean the OED(3). I will summarize: “CORMORANT”, via Old French corp marin, from Latin corvus marinus -- so, a sea raven! Biologically, this is total nonsense, but back in the Latin-old-days, some guy thought a cormorant looked vaguely like a raven. They’re both big black birds, but otherwise, not so much.
Attached photo #2 shows the complete OED entry. But there’s more! Immediately following CORMORANT comes the outstanding, but aparently obsolete adjective CORMOROUS (photo #3), meaning “insatiable as a cormorant”(4).
Double-crested Cormorants have beautiful greenish-to-aquamarine eyes. If you look carefully at today’s photo #1, you can also see the nictitating membrane as it sweeps across the eye.
Cheers,
Dave
If you’re reading CotD on a phone, I hope you’ll take a look at the photos later on a bigger screen.
There’s always something new on Dave’s website: http://www.dscomposition.com/new-images.html
Past issues of Creature of the Day: http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day.html
If you no longer wish to receive the spectacular photography, pithy commentary, and keen insights jam packed into every issue of CotD, please send your 1000-word Cancellation Request Essay (be specific, give examples) along with $100 to the address below.
Cormorants have a reputation for being GREEDY, and standard dictionary definitions of CORMORANT use words like “voracious”, “rapacious”, “gluttonous”, “ravenous”, and “insatiable” to describe this big black bird that surface-dives and expertly swims underwater to catch fish. Most dictionaries include a second entry for CORMORANT that describes a PERSON who is ravenous, greedy, gluttonous, or voracious -- as in “No problem -- have a ‘bite’ of my Sour Cherry Strawberry Meringue Galette, but don’t be such a damn cormorant about it.”
Based on data collected during background checks(1) which CotD Subscriber Applicants must undergo, CotD recognizes and appreciates that many of our readers are word nerds. So, let’s check the etymology(2) of CORMORANT. This calls for the Good Book, by which I mean the OED(3). I will summarize: “CORMORANT”, via Old French corp marin, from Latin corvus marinus -- so, a sea raven! Biologically, this is total nonsense, but back in the Latin-old-days, some guy thought a cormorant looked vaguely like a raven. They’re both big black birds, but otherwise, not so much.
Attached photo #2 shows the complete OED entry. But there’s more! Immediately following CORMORANT comes the outstanding, but aparently obsolete adjective CORMOROUS (photo #3), meaning “insatiable as a cormorant”(4).
Double-crested Cormorants have beautiful greenish-to-aquamarine eyes. If you look carefully at today’s photo #1, you can also see the nictitating membrane as it sweeps across the eye.
- CotD Subscriber-Applicants provide the following in support of a subscription request, along with applicable fees: a) Letter of Reference from a Certified Aura Evaluation & Adjustment Counselor, b) recent dental x-rays.
- PLEASE don’t confuse “etymology” with “entomology” – and don’t even get me started on jive/jibe, uninterested/disinterested, or flaunt/flout. Like every Real American, I look to the Bush family for linguistic reassurance and inspiration. As President George W. Bush famously said to Pope Benedict (Washington, D.C., April 15, 2008) "Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech."
- To most English language word nerds, the OED is a Sacred Text which commands reverence, devotion, fealty, and, most of all, submission. In this case, I refer to The Compact Oxford English Dictionary, an EPIC and radically non-digital gift from my dear sister many years ago. This is the 2386-page “compact” single-volume version that comes with an opulent lead-glass magnifier. Every page of this edition shows 9 (count-em, nine!) miniature images of the pages of the original 20-volume 2nd Edition OED. MY DEAR CotD SUBSCRIBERS, that’s 21,474 pages of hard-core dictionary porn.
- You’ll find opportunities to use this terrific adjective every day when describing friends, relatives, and entertainer-politicians. Since the OED is descriptive (not prescriptive), enthusiastic use of “cormorous” by all of us may eventually rehabilitate this now-considered-obsolete word.
Cheers,
Dave
If you’re reading CotD on a phone, I hope you’ll take a look at the photos later on a bigger screen.
There’s always something new on Dave’s website: http://www.dscomposition.com/new-images.html
Past issues of Creature of the Day: http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day.html
If you no longer wish to receive the spectacular photography, pithy commentary, and keen insights jam packed into every issue of CotD, please send your 1000-word Cancellation Request Essay (be specific, give examples) along with $100 to the address below.
Creature of the Day: Brown Pelican (September 12, 2016)
Pelicans are often described as “GOOFY”. This photo may or may not illustrate goofiness, but it certainly does show a sub-adult Brown Pelican in high-speed freefall just before plunging into the cool waters off Drake’s Beach. The impact of a plunge-dive from 40-50 feet up stuns the targeted small schooling fish, enabling the hungry pelican to scoop up the immobilized fish with its very big bill and fleshy throat pouch(1).
Unlike THE IRREFUTABLE AND OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE OF ANTHROPOGENIC CLIMATE CHANGE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES, scientific consensus has not yet been reached on whether pelicans are, in fact, GOOFY, and if so, why. The Creature of the Day Editorial Board takes no official position on this acrimoniously debated topic. Although GOOFINESS is difficult to quantify using conventional EEG, CAT, and MRI technology, Swedish avian neurological researchers at the University of Uppsala(2) have recently demonstrated promising results from a laboratory prototype of an instrument to reliably and objectively measure it. The NEURO-GOOFOMETER (nyooro goo-FAH-met’r) actually measures a critical brainwave frequency band of cortical neural ensembles, the Γ-wave(3), which is a pattern of neural oscillation with a frequency between 25 and 100 Hz, (though 40 Hz is typical, see Lik-Derriere, Grantsucker, and Massmunchie, Quarterly Bulletin of the Pelicaniform Attitude Study Group, 2014). A number of radical experiments conducted by Dr. Rodolfo Llinás, MD, PhD, supports the hypothesis that the basis for goofy consciousness in awake states and goofy dreaming is 40-Hz oscillations throughout the cortical mantle in the form of thalamocortical iterative recursive activity(4).
Comparative studies using the NEURO-GOOFOMETER of other “goofy taxa” (e.g., dogs in sunglasses) by citizen scientists in Bolinas strongly support the claims of the Uppsala research team.
Footnotes:
Unlike THE IRREFUTABLE AND OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE OF ANTHROPOGENIC CLIMATE CHANGE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES, scientific consensus has not yet been reached on whether pelicans are, in fact, GOOFY, and if so, why. The Creature of the Day Editorial Board takes no official position on this acrimoniously debated topic. Although GOOFINESS is difficult to quantify using conventional EEG, CAT, and MRI technology, Swedish avian neurological researchers at the University of Uppsala(2) have recently demonstrated promising results from a laboratory prototype of an instrument to reliably and objectively measure it. The NEURO-GOOFOMETER (nyooro goo-FAH-met’r) actually measures a critical brainwave frequency band of cortical neural ensembles, the Γ-wave(3), which is a pattern of neural oscillation with a frequency between 25 and 100 Hz, (though 40 Hz is typical, see Lik-Derriere, Grantsucker, and Massmunchie, Quarterly Bulletin of the Pelicaniform Attitude Study Group, 2014). A number of radical experiments conducted by Dr. Rodolfo Llinás, MD, PhD, supports the hypothesis that the basis for goofy consciousness in awake states and goofy dreaming is 40-Hz oscillations throughout the cortical mantle in the form of thalamocortical iterative recursive activity(4).
Comparative studies using the NEURO-GOOFOMETER of other “goofy taxa” (e.g., dogs in sunglasses) by citizen scientists in Bolinas strongly support the claims of the Uppsala research team.
Footnotes:
- Think of this technique as a 100% natural, organic form of DYNAMITE FISHING (as practiced by criminal poachers who collect colorful tropical fish for the retail aquarium trade).
- a research university in Uppsala, Sweden; oldest university in all of the Nordic countries, founded in 1477. Like, TOTALLY credible.
- “Γ “ is the Greek letter “gamma”. Duh. If you are not familiar with Greek letters, CotD suggests that you pursue a Ph.D. in Classics and/or Google the terms “RUSH”, “LAVALIERE”, and “WASTED”.
- Pretty darn obvious when you think about it
Creature of the Day: Great-tailed Grackle (June 15, 2016)
If you look closely at the photograph of this female Great-tailed Grackle, you’ll see that its head is on backwards.(1) Many birds have the ability to rotate their heads 180 degrees or more. Some OWLS can rotate their heads up to 270 degrees!
Imagine how liberating and exhilarating it must be to have the option of turning one’s head in a great sweeping, ostentatious arc to the left in order to watch something interesting on one’s right.(2)
When considering the impressive head-twisting capabilities of birds, we all warmly remember the classic 1973 gross-out movie, THE EXORCIST, in which Linda Blair plays demonically possessed “Regan”, who can spin her head around even more completely than any owl. Impressive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg6pWv1B9L4
Cheers,
Dave
(1) with stabbing index finger emphasis, and perfect Bill Clinton accent: “I did not rotate that bird’s head with Photoshop.”
(2) known simply as “the 270”. For a classic literary example: “Fabio, although mesmerized by Muffy’s shocking proposal, responded with a quotidian 270, revealing little to her but a tepid hint of the cosmic singularity he struggled to conceal, deep within, with great difficulty, which was really hard to do, actually, because it was, like, deep within, or maybe not really that deep, but pretty deep, anyway – within.”
Imagine how liberating and exhilarating it must be to have the option of turning one’s head in a great sweeping, ostentatious arc to the left in order to watch something interesting on one’s right.(2)
When considering the impressive head-twisting capabilities of birds, we all warmly remember the classic 1973 gross-out movie, THE EXORCIST, in which Linda Blair plays demonically possessed “Regan”, who can spin her head around even more completely than any owl. Impressive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg6pWv1B9L4
Cheers,
Dave
(1) with stabbing index finger emphasis, and perfect Bill Clinton accent: “I did not rotate that bird’s head with Photoshop.”
(2) known simply as “the 270”. For a classic literary example: “Fabio, although mesmerized by Muffy’s shocking proposal, responded with a quotidian 270, revealing little to her but a tepid hint of the cosmic singularity he struggled to conceal, deep within, with great difficulty, which was really hard to do, actually, because it was, like, deep within, or maybe not really that deep, but pretty deep, anyway – within.”
Creature of the Day: Great Egret (June 12, 2016)
LIGHT is central to all photography. Inside a studio, a photographer can control the position, intensity, color, and the quality of the lights. Outdoors, especially for wildlife photography, “good light” usually comes from the sun, although occasionally flash units can be used when the natural light is inadequate or unsuitable for the desired effects.
“Good light” outdoors usually occurs when the sun is close to the horizon. Today’s photo of a Great Egret in flight illustrates a rare exception. The sun was near its zenith, but the bright overhead unclouded sunlight provided enough intensity, almost like an x-ray, to illuminate the beautiful wing bones and feather anatomy of this spectacular bird.
Note: CotD featured the Great Egret on May 29, 2013 ( http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day-2013.html ) and also on December 30, 2014 ( http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day-2014.html ). 1
Cheers,
Dave
1 Diligent study of CotD history represents one reliable path to SPECIAL RECOGNITION by CotD senior management. As with any cult, I mean cultural community, members can earn SPECIAL RECOGNITION by performing unexpected favors or making extraordinary contributions to assist the priesthood, I mean leadership, especially the Editor-in-Chief. OF COURSE we don’t mean to suggest anything untoward, distasteful, repulsive, allergenic, venal, pathological, loathsome, or illegal.
“Good light” outdoors usually occurs when the sun is close to the horizon. Today’s photo of a Great Egret in flight illustrates a rare exception. The sun was near its zenith, but the bright overhead unclouded sunlight provided enough intensity, almost like an x-ray, to illuminate the beautiful wing bones and feather anatomy of this spectacular bird.
Note: CotD featured the Great Egret on May 29, 2013 ( http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day-2013.html ) and also on December 30, 2014 ( http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day-2014.html ). 1
Cheers,
Dave
1 Diligent study of CotD history represents one reliable path to SPECIAL RECOGNITION by CotD senior management. As with any cult, I mean cultural community, members can earn SPECIAL RECOGNITION by performing unexpected favors or making extraordinary contributions to assist the priesthood, I mean leadership, especially the Editor-in-Chief. OF COURSE we don’t mean to suggest anything untoward, distasteful, repulsive, allergenic, venal, pathological, loathsome, or illegal.
Creature of the Day: Arctic Tern (May 29, 2016)
I took these two photos in the near-Arctic of eastern Iceland*. Other than a couple of hours of dim twilight on either side of midnight, at this time of year it’s daylight all the time. I found a big, noisy flock of flamboyantly courting Arctic Terns in a rural village junkyard. It was about 5:30 AM, and the sunlight was very bright.
Arctic Terns are migratory superstars. They spend summer feeding and breeding in the Arctic or near-Arctic, and winter (more accurately, AUSTRAL SUMMER) in the Antarctic.
Their strong preferences for endless summers and meandering flight routes results in annual migration distances of 30,000-40,000 miles. Since Arctic terns often live 20-30 years, let’s do the math: In twenty years, they’d fly 600,000 – 800,000 miles. That’s enough for ELITE STATUS in any frequent flyer program, and with NO AIRPLANE!
In both of the photos, breeding males are shown performing courtship displays to impress the females.
Did you know that many Arctic Terns pass through the Bay Area during migration?
Cheers,
Dave
*Iceland is most famous for volcanos and Puffins, and it is physically and geologically AWESOME at every bend in the road. There are also unexpected cultural wonders. After spending 10 days there, I was amazed by the consistent lack of visible officialdom or bureaucratic paternalism in any form. When we flew domestically on a 19-passenger turboprop from Húsavík in the north back to Reykjavík, there were no security procedures at all. Didn’t Iceland get the memo? There was no baggage scanning, no personal search, no ID checks of any kind -- just “hello”, “what’s your name”, “have a nice flight”. After driving over 1000 miles there, I realized that we hadn’t encountered a single STOP sign (or the 14-syllable-unpronounceable Icelandic equivalent of STOP). We didn’t see a police car or anyone who looked vaguely military (except at Keflavik international airport, where security was exactly what you’d expect in any modern international airport).
EXTRA CREDIT FOR NATURE NERDS
These are the birds I saw and could identify during the trip to Iceland
Arctic Tern
Atlantic Puffin
Black-headed Gull
Black-legged Kittywake
Black-tailed Godwit
Common Snipe
Eider Duck
European Starling (native!)
Eurasian Oystercatcher
European Shag (cormorant)
Golden Plover
Harlequin Duck
Norther Fulmar
Redwing
White Wagtail
Whooper Swan
..and lots of other gulls, ducks, and geese I couldn’t ID
AND a few non-birds:
Icelandic horse
A gazillion SHEEP
Minke Whale
Humpback Whale
If you're reading CotD on a phone, I hope you'll take a look at the photo later on a bigger screen.
There's always something new on Dave's website: http://www.dscomposition.com/new-images.html
Past issues of Creature of the Day: http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day.html
Subscribe to this LIFE SCIENCE BLOG authored by Amy Strauss and other Life Science grad students at U. Mass Amherst: http://thatslifesci.com/2016-04-26-unexpected-encounters-of-the-human-kind-astrauss/
Another cool BLOG post by Amy: https://dispatchesfromthefield1.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/mischief-in-sparrow-land/
Arctic Terns are migratory superstars. They spend summer feeding and breeding in the Arctic or near-Arctic, and winter (more accurately, AUSTRAL SUMMER) in the Antarctic.
Their strong preferences for endless summers and meandering flight routes results in annual migration distances of 30,000-40,000 miles. Since Arctic terns often live 20-30 years, let’s do the math: In twenty years, they’d fly 600,000 – 800,000 miles. That’s enough for ELITE STATUS in any frequent flyer program, and with NO AIRPLANE!
In both of the photos, breeding males are shown performing courtship displays to impress the females.
Did you know that many Arctic Terns pass through the Bay Area during migration?
Cheers,
Dave
*Iceland is most famous for volcanos and Puffins, and it is physically and geologically AWESOME at every bend in the road. There are also unexpected cultural wonders. After spending 10 days there, I was amazed by the consistent lack of visible officialdom or bureaucratic paternalism in any form. When we flew domestically on a 19-passenger turboprop from Húsavík in the north back to Reykjavík, there were no security procedures at all. Didn’t Iceland get the memo? There was no baggage scanning, no personal search, no ID checks of any kind -- just “hello”, “what’s your name”, “have a nice flight”. After driving over 1000 miles there, I realized that we hadn’t encountered a single STOP sign (or the 14-syllable-unpronounceable Icelandic equivalent of STOP). We didn’t see a police car or anyone who looked vaguely military (except at Keflavik international airport, where security was exactly what you’d expect in any modern international airport).
EXTRA CREDIT FOR NATURE NERDS
These are the birds I saw and could identify during the trip to Iceland
Arctic Tern
Atlantic Puffin
Black-headed Gull
Black-legged Kittywake
Black-tailed Godwit
Common Snipe
Eider Duck
European Starling (native!)
Eurasian Oystercatcher
European Shag (cormorant)
Golden Plover
Harlequin Duck
Norther Fulmar
Redwing
White Wagtail
Whooper Swan
..and lots of other gulls, ducks, and geese I couldn’t ID
AND a few non-birds:
Icelandic horse
A gazillion SHEEP
Minke Whale
Humpback Whale
If you're reading CotD on a phone, I hope you'll take a look at the photo later on a bigger screen.
There's always something new on Dave's website: http://www.dscomposition.com/new-images.html
Past issues of Creature of the Day: http://www.dscomposition.com/creature-of-the-day.html
Subscribe to this LIFE SCIENCE BLOG authored by Amy Strauss and other Life Science grad students at U. Mass Amherst: http://thatslifesci.com/2016-04-26-unexpected-encounters-of-the-human-kind-astrauss/
Another cool BLOG post by Amy: https://dispatchesfromthefield1.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/mischief-in-sparrow-land/
Creature of the Day: Coyote (May 11, 2016)
I saw this coyote just after dawn near the Bear Creek entrance to Briones Regional Park (near Lafayette, CA). I had a few seconds to shoot 4 frames from about 50 feet(1) before this spectacular carnivore trotted away from me, as if mildly annoyed but otherwise underwhelmed by the encounter.
Cheers,
Dave
1 50 feet is about 15 meters. The quaint and preposterous measurement units used normally in the USA are codified as the “UNITED STATES CUSTOMARY SYSTEM” (USCS) -- in contrast to “Système international d'unités” (SI), commonly called the METRIC SYSTEM, used almost everywhere else in the world. Let’s define “almost”: Along with the USA, Liberia and Burma (Myanmar) are the only other countries that have not adopted the metric system. Here is a pithy quote from the Wikipedia entry for UNITED STATES CUSTOMARY SYSTEM:
“The customary system was championed by the U.S.-based International Institute for Preserving and Perfecting Weights and Measures in the late 19th century. Advocates of the customary system saw the French Revolutionary, or metric, system as ATHEISTIC.” (upper-case, boldface, underline mine)
Cheers,
Dave
1 50 feet is about 15 meters. The quaint and preposterous measurement units used normally in the USA are codified as the “UNITED STATES CUSTOMARY SYSTEM” (USCS) -- in contrast to “Système international d'unités” (SI), commonly called the METRIC SYSTEM, used almost everywhere else in the world. Let’s define “almost”: Along with the USA, Liberia and Burma (Myanmar) are the only other countries that have not adopted the metric system. Here is a pithy quote from the Wikipedia entry for UNITED STATES CUSTOMARY SYSTEM:
“The customary system was championed by the U.S.-based International Institute for Preserving and Perfecting Weights and Measures in the late 19th century. Advocates of the customary system saw the French Revolutionary, or metric, system as ATHEISTIC.” (upper-case, boldface, underline mine)
Creature of the Day: Whimbrel (May 4, 2016)
A few days ago I resolved to photograph a GRAY FOX because I hadn’t featured one in CotD since June 5th, 2011. GOOD IDEA! All I needed was a Gray Fox. Did you know that there are websites where “citizen scientists” i.e., amateurs -- some extremely knowledgeable, some cheerfully clueless(1) report sightings of wild creatures and plants -- including time, date, and GPS coordinates? These websites, such as http://www.inaturalist.org represent a useful way to determine where I might find a target species.
Considering my thoughtful analysis and careful planning, and further considering the SINCERE EFFORT I invested by carrying a big camera with a very big zoom lens mounted on an aluminum tripod (15 pounds; and why don’t YOU try carrying that around for 3-4 hours?), ANY REASONABLE PERSON with a sense of JUSTICE would ASSUME that a beautiful Gray Fox, maybe even an adorable, photogenic mom fox with a few pups would be politely waiting for me at the indicated coordinates. But there were no foxes. I admit it. I was MAD. I was so mad my blood was LITERALLY boiling(3). So let’s change the subject.
A Whimbrel is a distinctive migratory wader in the Sandpiper family with a very long(2) downward-curving (de-curved) bill. With the previously described 15 pounds of camera, lens, and tripod, ocean to my left, sunrise to my right, I followed a group of three Whimbrels and about 40 Western Sandpipers as they worked their way north at Limantour Beach in the Pt. Reyes National Seashore. Each time they paused to feed, I’d move quietly toward them, both to get closer and to get better alignment from the rising sun to my right for a good photo. Every time I moved, the flock would notice me moving toward them, so they’d scurry further up the beach to maintain their distance. This went on for about an hour and a half. Limantour is a very long beach.
Cheers,
Dave
1 …who submit reasonably clear photographs of bobcats and report them as Mountain Lions
2 The Whimbrel’s bill is not as long as its closely related cousin, the Long-billed Curlew. Different bill lengths allow multiple species to share the same section of beach or mudflat without competing for food. They locate small invertebrate prey, but different prey at different depths corresponding with bill length.
3 OK. My blood was not LITERALLY boiling; it was FIGURATIVELY boiling. Please refer to my OPEN LETTER TO YOUNG PEOPLE, below.
Dear Young People,
The word “literally” does not mean the same thing as “wow, like totally”. If I say my blood was “literally boiling”, it means that you could fill a small pot with it, carefully crack and drop a raw egg into it, and about 5 minutes later have the start of a fine poached egg breakfast (quite nice on a toasted English muffin) -- except the egg in this case would be DEEP RED. (NOTE: Many urban hipsters who adopt imaginative, peculiar “dietary restrictions” might object to the high IRON CONTENT imparted by this cooking method.)
BUT WAIT! This is not a problem that’s limited to slightly under-educated millennials. Here is a quote from last night’s THE FIX column in the Washington Post no less, by highly regarded political reporter CHRIS CILLIZZA: “From the announcement of an alliance with John Kasich, which quickly fizzled, to his decision to name Carly Fiorina as his vice-presidential running mate, it seemed obvious that Cruz was literally throwing things at a wall in hopes one might stick.” Intrigued, I diligently searched YouTube, TMZ, Buzzfeed, Rolling Stone, Salon.com and other sources for a surreptitious iPhone video of Ted Cruz throwing Carly Fiorina at a wall and hoping she’d stick.
Considering my thoughtful analysis and careful planning, and further considering the SINCERE EFFORT I invested by carrying a big camera with a very big zoom lens mounted on an aluminum tripod (15 pounds; and why don’t YOU try carrying that around for 3-4 hours?), ANY REASONABLE PERSON with a sense of JUSTICE would ASSUME that a beautiful Gray Fox, maybe even an adorable, photogenic mom fox with a few pups would be politely waiting for me at the indicated coordinates. But there were no foxes. I admit it. I was MAD. I was so mad my blood was LITERALLY boiling(3). So let’s change the subject.
A Whimbrel is a distinctive migratory wader in the Sandpiper family with a very long(2) downward-curving (de-curved) bill. With the previously described 15 pounds of camera, lens, and tripod, ocean to my left, sunrise to my right, I followed a group of three Whimbrels and about 40 Western Sandpipers as they worked their way north at Limantour Beach in the Pt. Reyes National Seashore. Each time they paused to feed, I’d move quietly toward them, both to get closer and to get better alignment from the rising sun to my right for a good photo. Every time I moved, the flock would notice me moving toward them, so they’d scurry further up the beach to maintain their distance. This went on for about an hour and a half. Limantour is a very long beach.
Cheers,
Dave
1 …who submit reasonably clear photographs of bobcats and report them as Mountain Lions
2 The Whimbrel’s bill is not as long as its closely related cousin, the Long-billed Curlew. Different bill lengths allow multiple species to share the same section of beach or mudflat without competing for food. They locate small invertebrate prey, but different prey at different depths corresponding with bill length.
3 OK. My blood was not LITERALLY boiling; it was FIGURATIVELY boiling. Please refer to my OPEN LETTER TO YOUNG PEOPLE, below.
Dear Young People,
The word “literally” does not mean the same thing as “wow, like totally”. If I say my blood was “literally boiling”, it means that you could fill a small pot with it, carefully crack and drop a raw egg into it, and about 5 minutes later have the start of a fine poached egg breakfast (quite nice on a toasted English muffin) -- except the egg in this case would be DEEP RED. (NOTE: Many urban hipsters who adopt imaginative, peculiar “dietary restrictions” might object to the high IRON CONTENT imparted by this cooking method.)
BUT WAIT! This is not a problem that’s limited to slightly under-educated millennials. Here is a quote from last night’s THE FIX column in the Washington Post no less, by highly regarded political reporter CHRIS CILLIZZA: “From the announcement of an alliance with John Kasich, which quickly fizzled, to his decision to name Carly Fiorina as his vice-presidential running mate, it seemed obvious that Cruz was literally throwing things at a wall in hopes one might stick.” Intrigued, I diligently searched YouTube, TMZ, Buzzfeed, Rolling Stone, Salon.com and other sources for a surreptitious iPhone video of Ted Cruz throwing Carly Fiorina at a wall and hoping she’d stick.
Creature of the Day: Tule Elk (April 17, 2016)
Today’s Creature of the Day is a young male Tule Elk, a paragon of INTELLIGENCE, INTEGRITY, STRENGTH, MODESTY, and GENEROSITY of SPIRIT. For compelling proof, just look at today’s primary picture (above)! He’s YOUNG. He’s COURAGEOUS. He’s BEARDED.
Sure, his antlers are asymmetrical, but based on the thought bubble above his head, this young ELK is thinking about Einstein’s Theories of Special and General Relativity, in particular the very famous time dilation equation which quantifies the strange “slowing” effect on a clock TB moving at speeds approaching C when compared with a clock TA in a fixed frame of reference. Compare this advanced ELK thinking with typical dairy COW thinking which is exclusively about SEEKING and EATING GRASS.
Out in West Marin, there’s a heated controversy(1) about the conflict between cows and elk within the Pt. Reyes National Seashore. The ranchers want the elk to stay out of “their” (National Park!) pastures. “Build a YUUUGE FENCE” as the STRANGELY-COIFED-ONE would say.
Although cows and elk are taxonomically closely related(2), a drive through many areas of Point Reyes National Seashore highlights GLARING differences. The ELK are wild animals. They’re lean, muscular, and extremely athletic. The elk can jump over fences erected for cattle as if they didn’t exist. It’s just an easy hop that requires no effort at all. Take a look:
Sure, his antlers are asymmetrical, but based on the thought bubble above his head, this young ELK is thinking about Einstein’s Theories of Special and General Relativity, in particular the very famous time dilation equation which quantifies the strange “slowing” effect on a clock TB moving at speeds approaching C when compared with a clock TA in a fixed frame of reference. Compare this advanced ELK thinking with typical dairy COW thinking which is exclusively about SEEKING and EATING GRASS.
Out in West Marin, there’s a heated controversy(1) about the conflict between cows and elk within the Pt. Reyes National Seashore. The ranchers want the elk to stay out of “their” (National Park!) pastures. “Build a YUUUGE FENCE” as the STRANGELY-COIFED-ONE would say.
Although cows and elk are taxonomically closely related(2), a drive through many areas of Point Reyes National Seashore highlights GLARING differences. The ELK are wild animals. They’re lean, muscular, and extremely athletic. The elk can jump over fences erected for cattle as if they didn’t exist. It’s just an easy hop that requires no effort at all. Take a look:
As I shot this photo (above), I watched about 10 elk politely taking turns jumping a cattle fence along Drakes Beach Road. Each one cleared the fence with great joy and height to spare as incredulous black dairy cows looked on with the same vacant, vapid expression they use for every other occasion.
Now let’s assess the COWS, and not just any cows, but the REVERED dairy cows who live on the so-called “historic ranches” within the boundaries of Point Reyes National Seashore. I confess. I’m guilty of PROFILING as well as “the soft bigotry of low expectations"(3) but I’m just going to come right out and say it: These cows are plodding, obese, and appear to be (as the STRANGELY-COIFED-ONE might say) low-energy LOSERS! The COWS, domesticated for at least 10,000 years, are bred to be milk factories.
NATURALLY, the cows have passionate human advocates who extoll the putative virtues of these unimaginative one-trick beasts. The cow apologists insist that the cows DESERVE to destroy thousands of acres of priceless National Park lands and DESERVE our approbation, even admiration. AND FURTHERMORE, say the apologists, they DESERVE to be SHELTERED from the RUSTIC BEHAVIOR of these NATIVE elk ruffians, what with their RUTTING and other embarrassing wilderness proclivities.
TO SUMMARIZE: The fence-jumping elk are the indigenous creatures who deserve our enthusiastic support to roam and graze their historic home on the Point Reyes peninsula. The cows are mercenary foreign imperialist grass-gobbling milk-making conquistadors who overgraze the fragile landscape, causing serious erosion and pollution for the profit of a very tiny group of landowners. The few jobs supported by the dairy farms are dirty, difficult, dangerous, and very poorly paid. The hard-working cowboys should work for the Park Service.
Thank you and good day.
Now let’s assess the COWS, and not just any cows, but the REVERED dairy cows who live on the so-called “historic ranches” within the boundaries of Point Reyes National Seashore. I confess. I’m guilty of PROFILING as well as “the soft bigotry of low expectations"(3) but I’m just going to come right out and say it: These cows are plodding, obese, and appear to be (as the STRANGELY-COIFED-ONE might say) low-energy LOSERS! The COWS, domesticated for at least 10,000 years, are bred to be milk factories.
NATURALLY, the cows have passionate human advocates who extoll the putative virtues of these unimaginative one-trick beasts. The cow apologists insist that the cows DESERVE to destroy thousands of acres of priceless National Park lands and DESERVE our approbation, even admiration. AND FURTHERMORE, say the apologists, they DESERVE to be SHELTERED from the RUSTIC BEHAVIOR of these NATIVE elk ruffians, what with their RUTTING and other embarrassing wilderness proclivities.
TO SUMMARIZE: The fence-jumping elk are the indigenous creatures who deserve our enthusiastic support to roam and graze their historic home on the Point Reyes peninsula. The cows are mercenary foreign imperialist grass-gobbling milk-making conquistadors who overgraze the fragile landscape, causing serious erosion and pollution for the profit of a very tiny group of landowners. The few jobs supported by the dairy farms are dirty, difficult, dangerous, and very poorly paid. The hard-working cowboys should work for the Park Service.
Thank you and good day.
Creature of the Day: Raccoon (April 9, 2016)
With my big camera, 600-mm lens, and a backpack full of accessories, I left the house in the misty pre-dawn darkness in search of CREATURES.
TRIGGER WARNING! The following GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS may be interpreted by some very sensitive CotD readers as “icky”.
I was driving along Bear Valley Road just past the Pt. Reyes Visitor Center when I noticed what looked like a small road-kill carcass in the grass at the edge of the road. It was foggy and still dawning, so I couldn’t tell what it was as I drove past. Much as I regret the death of an innocent wild animal, I sometimes stop to retrieve a dead bird, squirrel, or snake because I can carry it to a remote spot and use it as bait to attract raptors -- which would consume the little victim very soon anyway – but in front of my camera. I carry a small day pack, latex gloves, and a clear-plastic trash bag for just such occasions.
The road was narrow and there was no shoulder near the animal that would allow me to park my car off the road, so I had to drive about 200 yards past the carcass site to park. After retrieving the plastic bag and the latex gloves, I walked back to find the poor critter that had been hit by a car.
My RKRK(1) is just about right for a bird, a squirrel, a snake, or even a cotton-tail brush rabbit. HOWEVER, what I found in the tall grass was the BIGGEST RACCOON I’VE EVER SEEN, dead or alive. It was the size of a large beagle, maybe 20 pounds or a bit more. (Think of two 10-pound sacks of potatoes). This was a LOT of CARCASS which was clearly quite fresh. Now I’m thinking “never mind baiting scrawny little hawks with dead sparrows. I going for a MOUNTAIN LION, baby!”
I turned the bag inside-out and, using the bag as a glove, grabbed the raccoon by the tail, inverting the plastic bag over the animal. Damn. It was REALLY BIG, and it was HEAVY. It barely fit in the bag, and it was quite bloody. I had to walk 200 yards back to the car, carrying a failing clear plastic garbage bag (generously sized for a bird or a coiled gopher snake) with a dog-sized, bleeding, 20-pound raccoon in it. 200 yards? That’s two football fields! I was about half way when I saw the headlights of a car approaching me. On that road at that time, the car could easily be 1) National Park Service Ranger, 2) California State Parks Ranger, 3) Marin County Sheriff, 4) California Highway Patrol, 5) California Fish and Wildlife game warden, 6) Bed & Breakfast Tourists in a Prius Zipcar looking for artisanal almond croissants, or 7) a stoned-out local in a Grateful Dead t-shirt driving a beater pickup. 1 through 5 would be a bummer because California Law prohibits ANYONE (except “authorities”) from removing road-kill. I think the intent of that law is to dissuade jackass “HUNTERS” from “HUNTING” (especially deer) with a car.
GOOD NEWS; it was a 7.
This part I imagined: The driver of the beater pickup slowed, rolled down the window, and drawled with an unmistakable West Marin twang, and also with a fragrant, big fat doobie dangling from a mouth with poorly-maintained dentition, “Dude, where’d you get that raccoon?”
I replied, gesturing casually with a thumb over my shoulder: “Just up the road”.
After one very deep toke and a few very slow, contemplative nods, “cool”, he said. Apparently satisfied with my explanation, he drove off toward Olema.
Back at my car, I managed to get the overstuffed plastic bag into the designated bait-backpack, and then drove for about 15 minutes to Devil’s Gulch in Samuel Taylor State Park. From the parking area, I had to hike about a mile and climb 500 feet to reach a suitably remote place to set up my camera and lay out the flagrantly illegal raccoon carcass. So I walked away from the parking area with the raccoon on my back (20 pounds), my other backpack with alternate lenses, flash, etc. reversed and worn as a front-pack (several pounds), and with my nearly 15-pound camera + long-lens + tripod over my shoulder. I walked fast with this heavy and awkward load, hoping to avoid any situation that required me to explain why I had a 20-pound dead raccoon on my back – which I only then noticed was starting to smell like a big dead bloody raccoon.
After a pretty tough hike up a steep hill, I reached a beautiful, remote plateau, unloaded, set up everything and waited for my richly deserved MOUNTAIN LION to show up for an award-winning photograph. I waited. TWO HOURS. No mountain lions, no coyotes, no bobcats, no foxes, no raptors. I did see a Spotted Towhee and a whole hillside covered with Poison Oak – IN BLOOM.
It was quite a fine day.
FIRST PHOTO: Our unfortunate raccoon, tastefully cropped to avoid grossing out our dear readers
SECOND PHOTO: Spotted Towhee
THIRD PHOTO: Poison Oak in bloom
TRIGGER WARNING! The following GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS may be interpreted by some very sensitive CotD readers as “icky”.
I was driving along Bear Valley Road just past the Pt. Reyes Visitor Center when I noticed what looked like a small road-kill carcass in the grass at the edge of the road. It was foggy and still dawning, so I couldn’t tell what it was as I drove past. Much as I regret the death of an innocent wild animal, I sometimes stop to retrieve a dead bird, squirrel, or snake because I can carry it to a remote spot and use it as bait to attract raptors -- which would consume the little victim very soon anyway – but in front of my camera. I carry a small day pack, latex gloves, and a clear-plastic trash bag for just such occasions.
The road was narrow and there was no shoulder near the animal that would allow me to park my car off the road, so I had to drive about 200 yards past the carcass site to park. After retrieving the plastic bag and the latex gloves, I walked back to find the poor critter that had been hit by a car.
My RKRK(1) is just about right for a bird, a squirrel, a snake, or even a cotton-tail brush rabbit. HOWEVER, what I found in the tall grass was the BIGGEST RACCOON I’VE EVER SEEN, dead or alive. It was the size of a large beagle, maybe 20 pounds or a bit more. (Think of two 10-pound sacks of potatoes). This was a LOT of CARCASS which was clearly quite fresh. Now I’m thinking “never mind baiting scrawny little hawks with dead sparrows. I going for a MOUNTAIN LION, baby!”
I turned the bag inside-out and, using the bag as a glove, grabbed the raccoon by the tail, inverting the plastic bag over the animal. Damn. It was REALLY BIG, and it was HEAVY. It barely fit in the bag, and it was quite bloody. I had to walk 200 yards back to the car, carrying a failing clear plastic garbage bag (generously sized for a bird or a coiled gopher snake) with a dog-sized, bleeding, 20-pound raccoon in it. 200 yards? That’s two football fields! I was about half way when I saw the headlights of a car approaching me. On that road at that time, the car could easily be 1) National Park Service Ranger, 2) California State Parks Ranger, 3) Marin County Sheriff, 4) California Highway Patrol, 5) California Fish and Wildlife game warden, 6) Bed & Breakfast Tourists in a Prius Zipcar looking for artisanal almond croissants, or 7) a stoned-out local in a Grateful Dead t-shirt driving a beater pickup. 1 through 5 would be a bummer because California Law prohibits ANYONE (except “authorities”) from removing road-kill. I think the intent of that law is to dissuade jackass “HUNTERS” from “HUNTING” (especially deer) with a car.
GOOD NEWS; it was a 7.
This part I imagined: The driver of the beater pickup slowed, rolled down the window, and drawled with an unmistakable West Marin twang, and also with a fragrant, big fat doobie dangling from a mouth with poorly-maintained dentition, “Dude, where’d you get that raccoon?”
I replied, gesturing casually with a thumb over my shoulder: “Just up the road”.
After one very deep toke and a few very slow, contemplative nods, “cool”, he said. Apparently satisfied with my explanation, he drove off toward Olema.
Back at my car, I managed to get the overstuffed plastic bag into the designated bait-backpack, and then drove for about 15 minutes to Devil’s Gulch in Samuel Taylor State Park. From the parking area, I had to hike about a mile and climb 500 feet to reach a suitably remote place to set up my camera and lay out the flagrantly illegal raccoon carcass. So I walked away from the parking area with the raccoon on my back (20 pounds), my other backpack with alternate lenses, flash, etc. reversed and worn as a front-pack (several pounds), and with my nearly 15-pound camera + long-lens + tripod over my shoulder. I walked fast with this heavy and awkward load, hoping to avoid any situation that required me to explain why I had a 20-pound dead raccoon on my back – which I only then noticed was starting to smell like a big dead bloody raccoon.
After a pretty tough hike up a steep hill, I reached a beautiful, remote plateau, unloaded, set up everything and waited for my richly deserved MOUNTAIN LION to show up for an award-winning photograph. I waited. TWO HOURS. No mountain lions, no coyotes, no bobcats, no foxes, no raptors. I did see a Spotted Towhee and a whole hillside covered with Poison Oak – IN BLOOM.
It was quite a fine day.
FIRST PHOTO: Our unfortunate raccoon, tastefully cropped to avoid grossing out our dear readers
SECOND PHOTO: Spotted Towhee
THIRD PHOTO: Poison Oak in bloom
Creature of the Day: A Bird's-Eye view of the SF Financial District (April 6, 2016)
Today, Creature of the Day BOLDLY QUESTIONS the meaning of “Bird’s-Eye View”.
Creature of the Day: Black-crowned Night Heron & TV (March 27, 2016)
Today’s first image shows a charismatic Black-crowned Night Heron taking a morning stroll along a fence at the Las Gallinas wastewater treatment ponds. Nice bird!
Our second image shows a fashion model (with professionally crafted hair and makeup) in a very rare close encounter with a Turkey Vulture. You don’t see that every day!
A rather cheeky reader complained that CotD editors alter the images with a computer, and that the “real” creatures represented in the pictures were not nearly as charismatic as their CotD images! While there may be a NANOshard of truth to this outrageous and inflammatory accusation, such unfounded assertions are offensive, discriminatory, & morally corrupt, and demand a vigorous defense.
Should a photograph show “what’s really there” or is it a creative endeavor that’s only based on (1) something captured by a camera? Serious news organizations (2) require that their photographers submit all the raw photos to the editors for review and final editing. This is intended to mitigate the LYING that can be done with photo editing and cropping, but the effect of such oversight is often perverse. Most NEWS organizations illustrate catastrophes by showing the most dramatic or shocking images, not the most representative images.
Let me make one thing PERFECTLY CLEAR (3): Creature of the Day maintains the strictest STANDARDS(4) and values JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY above PROFIT. OK, but seriously, our goal is to THRILL, SHOCK, MORTIFY, OUTRAGE, APPALL, IRRITATE, and CONFOUND our readers with the spectacular, the preposterous, and the nauseating – while PANDERING to the most basic reptilian instincts encrypted deep within the primitive structures in the mammal brain, especially the amygdala, hippocampus, fornix, and corpus callosum(5).
Of course we use Photoshop and other photo editing software. Otherwise, our photos would look like grainy, overexposed, blurry, black & white snapshots that your dad took at Disneyland in 1957. Get over it.
Even FOREIGNERS understand that IMAGES are something completely different from the THINGS represented in those images. In 1928, Belgian surrealist painter René Magritte (a real superstar: http://www.wikiart.org/en/rene-magritte ) produced a very famous painting called La Trahison des Images, usually translated as The Treachery of Images or sometimes The Treason of Images.
Our second image shows a fashion model (with professionally crafted hair and makeup) in a very rare close encounter with a Turkey Vulture. You don’t see that every day!
A rather cheeky reader complained that CotD editors alter the images with a computer, and that the “real” creatures represented in the pictures were not nearly as charismatic as their CotD images! While there may be a NANOshard of truth to this outrageous and inflammatory accusation, such unfounded assertions are offensive, discriminatory, & morally corrupt, and demand a vigorous defense.
Should a photograph show “what’s really there” or is it a creative endeavor that’s only based on (1) something captured by a camera? Serious news organizations (2) require that their photographers submit all the raw photos to the editors for review and final editing. This is intended to mitigate the LYING that can be done with photo editing and cropping, but the effect of such oversight is often perverse. Most NEWS organizations illustrate catastrophes by showing the most dramatic or shocking images, not the most representative images.
Let me make one thing PERFECTLY CLEAR (3): Creature of the Day maintains the strictest STANDARDS(4) and values JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY above PROFIT. OK, but seriously, our goal is to THRILL, SHOCK, MORTIFY, OUTRAGE, APPALL, IRRITATE, and CONFOUND our readers with the spectacular, the preposterous, and the nauseating – while PANDERING to the most basic reptilian instincts encrypted deep within the primitive structures in the mammal brain, especially the amygdala, hippocampus, fornix, and corpus callosum(5).
Of course we use Photoshop and other photo editing software. Otherwise, our photos would look like grainy, overexposed, blurry, black & white snapshots that your dad took at Disneyland in 1957. Get over it.
Even FOREIGNERS understand that IMAGES are something completely different from the THINGS represented in those images. In 1928, Belgian surrealist painter René Magritte (a real superstar: http://www.wikiart.org/en/rene-magritte ) produced a very famous painting called La Trahison des Images, usually translated as The Treachery of Images or sometimes The Treason of Images.
He included a caption directly on the painting: “Ceci n’est pas une pipe” (This is not a pipe). Many observers of this famous painting (now at the Los Angeles Museum of Art) were baffled. They thought “Of course it’s a pipe.” No. It is an IMAGE of a pipe. Let’s not confuse images of creatures with creatures, OK? CotD is proud of its IMAGE MANIPULATION. We only rarely manipulate the creatures themselves, but always with creative integrity.
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1 “Based on actual events” or “Based on a true story” as they say in movies, TV, and other media. This form of lawyerly-worded content labelling can be interpreted as another way of saying “fiction”.
2 Even the putative paragons of “serious news” (e.g., NY Times, Washington Post, NPR) publish LURID TABLOID TRASH regularly (e.g., video clips from Republican debates). Once exposed, they confess with obnoxious and extravagant demonstrations of SHAME, GUILT, REMORSE, followed by OSTENTATIOUS PROMISES to reform their editorial process to insure such breaches won’t happen again for at least a week.
3 "Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I wouldn't want to wake up next to a lady pipefitter." –President Richard M. Nixon, quoted in Ms. Magazine in 1971
4 Inspired by, and derived from The Official DPRK Journalism Handbook; translated from the original Korean by a defector.
5 Structures of the Limbic System. Every first-grader knows this. Duh.
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1 “Based on actual events” or “Based on a true story” as they say in movies, TV, and other media. This form of lawyerly-worded content labelling can be interpreted as another way of saying “fiction”.
2 Even the putative paragons of “serious news” (e.g., NY Times, Washington Post, NPR) publish LURID TABLOID TRASH regularly (e.g., video clips from Republican debates). Once exposed, they confess with obnoxious and extravagant demonstrations of SHAME, GUILT, REMORSE, followed by OSTENTATIOUS PROMISES to reform their editorial process to insure such breaches won’t happen again for at least a week.
3 "Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I wouldn't want to wake up next to a lady pipefitter." –President Richard M. Nixon, quoted in Ms. Magazine in 1971
4 Inspired by, and derived from The Official DPRK Journalism Handbook; translated from the original Korean by a defector.
5 Structures of the Limbic System. Every first-grader knows this. Duh.
Creature of the Day: American Avocet (March 7, 2016)
EARLY SATURDAY MORNING, I shot today’s CotD photo of an American Avocet.
This is an elegant long-legged shore bird with a red eye and a long, slender, upturned bill.
It feeds by sweeping its bill from side to side in shallow water to catch small invertebrates.
---------- The SPECIAL FEATURE below is OPTIONAL. However, should you choose to read it, EXTRA CREDIT will accrue to your CotD PERMANENT RECORD ----------
SUNDAY MORNINGS are reserved for mountain bike rides with two old friends. We’ve been riding together for over 20 years, so certain pre-ride protocols are well established. Between 7:15 and 7:30 AM, we exchange text messages to determine where we’ll meet and start the ride. Today was different: “Let’s hike instead of ride” suggested someone. This last-minute swap, from bike to hike, is extremely rare but not unprecedented, so I was prepared.
Switching from bike to hike isn’t complicated, but it’s UNWISE to wear skin-tight spandex black bike shorts and replica Tour-de-France bike jerseys(1) more than 10 feet away from a bike. (SAFETY NOTE: If you see anyone dressed like that more than 10 feet from a bike, RUN AWAY and call 911 from a safe place.) No worries! I keep a threadbare blue flannel shirt and torn REI hiking pants in the car.
But let’s talk frankly about SHOES. Bike shoes are suitable ONLY for riding bikes. They have metal cleats that mate with the pedals, and they’re grotesquely awful for walking. For just such occasions, I decided to stash my old hiking boots in a dark corner of my funky Dodge Caravan bikemobile. The old boots are the exact same model as my current excellent hiking boots -- just several years older. Although I haven’t worn them in years, they’ve got some tread left and fit perfectly.
We met at the arranged trailhead and started climbing a little-known trail up Carson Ridge in the Marin water district lands a few miles from Fairfax. Wildflowers (Manzanita, Shooting-stars, Hounds Tongue, several species of Ceanothus, Fetid Adder’s Tongue, Death Camas, Douglas Iris, California Poppies, Indian Warrior, etc.) were blooming extravagantly. It was a beautiful day for the 3-hour route that winds through chaparral, bay/oak woodlands, lush riparian zones, and big redwood trees.
After a few hundred yards, the sole of my right boot came loose at the toe. No big deal; we stopped at trailside, wrapped it with tape from my first-aid kit, and proceeded. A few hundred yards later, the sole of my left boot came loose at the toe. OK, more tape – problem solved.
By the time we reached the halfway point at the Big Tree redwood grove below Carson Falls, the soles of both shoes were completely detached, and other thin-but-vital layers that separated my feet from the rocky trail were exfoliating. We excavated the depths of our day packs to search for remedies for my failing boots. Before long, we’d used up all the tape, bandages, and zip-ties. Matches, water purification tablets, fish hooks, energy bars, Mylar space blankets, toenail clippers, flashlights, glow sticks, tweezers, sun screen, mosquito repellant, compasses, whistles, snake bite kits, and antiseptic ointments weren’t especially helpful.
Then SOMEONE had a brilliant idea! Use the LATEX gloves that I carry for emergency trailside surgeries(2) to secure the sole to the toe of the boot. I carefully removed the LATEX glove from its PROTECTIVE plastic envelope, and gently SLID the LATEX glove, SNUGLY, over the toe of the boot. The middle finger of the glove extended from the front of the boot like a droopy little sack. All of us stared at the freshly protected boot. Slowly, a wave of recognition washed over us. Awkward glances were exchanged. OMG. (Please re-read this paragraph. Repeat as necessary.)
Naturally, this form of PROTECTION (of my boots) didn’t last long, although, for that brief period, I was quite confident that my feet were safe from STDs(3). Within about 50 steps, the latex failed with a crisp snapping sound. We were relieved to move on to the next quixotic remedy for the disintegrating boots.
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1 that any circus clown or NASCAR driver would find gaudy & tasteless
2 blown aorta -- no problem, but I won’t do periodontal grafts or rhinoplasty
3 Soil-Transmitted Diseases. Duh.
This is an elegant long-legged shore bird with a red eye and a long, slender, upturned bill.
It feeds by sweeping its bill from side to side in shallow water to catch small invertebrates.
---------- The SPECIAL FEATURE below is OPTIONAL. However, should you choose to read it, EXTRA CREDIT will accrue to your CotD PERMANENT RECORD ----------
SUNDAY MORNINGS are reserved for mountain bike rides with two old friends. We’ve been riding together for over 20 years, so certain pre-ride protocols are well established. Between 7:15 and 7:30 AM, we exchange text messages to determine where we’ll meet and start the ride. Today was different: “Let’s hike instead of ride” suggested someone. This last-minute swap, from bike to hike, is extremely rare but not unprecedented, so I was prepared.
Switching from bike to hike isn’t complicated, but it’s UNWISE to wear skin-tight spandex black bike shorts and replica Tour-de-France bike jerseys(1) more than 10 feet away from a bike. (SAFETY NOTE: If you see anyone dressed like that more than 10 feet from a bike, RUN AWAY and call 911 from a safe place.) No worries! I keep a threadbare blue flannel shirt and torn REI hiking pants in the car.
But let’s talk frankly about SHOES. Bike shoes are suitable ONLY for riding bikes. They have metal cleats that mate with the pedals, and they’re grotesquely awful for walking. For just such occasions, I decided to stash my old hiking boots in a dark corner of my funky Dodge Caravan bikemobile. The old boots are the exact same model as my current excellent hiking boots -- just several years older. Although I haven’t worn them in years, they’ve got some tread left and fit perfectly.
We met at the arranged trailhead and started climbing a little-known trail up Carson Ridge in the Marin water district lands a few miles from Fairfax. Wildflowers (Manzanita, Shooting-stars, Hounds Tongue, several species of Ceanothus, Fetid Adder’s Tongue, Death Camas, Douglas Iris, California Poppies, Indian Warrior, etc.) were blooming extravagantly. It was a beautiful day for the 3-hour route that winds through chaparral, bay/oak woodlands, lush riparian zones, and big redwood trees.
After a few hundred yards, the sole of my right boot came loose at the toe. No big deal; we stopped at trailside, wrapped it with tape from my first-aid kit, and proceeded. A few hundred yards later, the sole of my left boot came loose at the toe. OK, more tape – problem solved.
By the time we reached the halfway point at the Big Tree redwood grove below Carson Falls, the soles of both shoes were completely detached, and other thin-but-vital layers that separated my feet from the rocky trail were exfoliating. We excavated the depths of our day packs to search for remedies for my failing boots. Before long, we’d used up all the tape, bandages, and zip-ties. Matches, water purification tablets, fish hooks, energy bars, Mylar space blankets, toenail clippers, flashlights, glow sticks, tweezers, sun screen, mosquito repellant, compasses, whistles, snake bite kits, and antiseptic ointments weren’t especially helpful.
Then SOMEONE had a brilliant idea! Use the LATEX gloves that I carry for emergency trailside surgeries(2) to secure the sole to the toe of the boot. I carefully removed the LATEX glove from its PROTECTIVE plastic envelope, and gently SLID the LATEX glove, SNUGLY, over the toe of the boot. The middle finger of the glove extended from the front of the boot like a droopy little sack. All of us stared at the freshly protected boot. Slowly, a wave of recognition washed over us. Awkward glances were exchanged. OMG. (Please re-read this paragraph. Repeat as necessary.)
Naturally, this form of PROTECTION (of my boots) didn’t last long, although, for that brief period, I was quite confident that my feet were safe from STDs(3). Within about 50 steps, the latex failed with a crisp snapping sound. We were relieved to move on to the next quixotic remedy for the disintegrating boots.
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1 that any circus clown or NASCAR driver would find gaudy & tasteless
2 blown aorta -- no problem, but I won’t do periodontal grafts or rhinoplasty
3 Soil-Transmitted Diseases. Duh.
Creature of the Day: Red-tailed Hawk juvenile (March 3, 2016)
When I succeed at making a CotD-worthy image, it’s gratifying to send it out to you, my loyal subscribers – along with my INCISIVE EXEGESIS and/or PATHETIC RANT. For every photo I share via CotD and my website, there are hundreds that don’t make the cut.
I usually think about the creation of any photograph in three parts.
Even when I find interesting wildlife, I need good position and nice light to make a decent image. This is easy in a studio with controllable lights and human subjects who cooperate, but bobcats, hawks, river otters, etc. can be hyper-sensitive DIVAS who urgently need to be elsewhere just as I’m pushing the shutter button. I have quite a collection of photos like this:
I usually think about the creation of any photograph in three parts.
- PLAN: This is when I decide what to shoot and how to shoot it. Sometimes the PLAN is elaborate and sometimes it’s almost instantaneous or non-existent. When I’m in a pretentious mood, I call this phase “ART DIRECTION”.
- CAPTURE: This is the process of setting the camera, pointing it at something, focusing, and pushing the shutter button. The intelligence built into a current generation digital camera is absolutely amazing and makes this phase pretty easy, but RTFM1, my dear photographic friends.
- POST: This is moving raw images from the camera to the computer, deleting 95% of them, and then taking the best ones through Photoshop, where I can gently adjust contrast and saturation -- OR perhaps add a second head and fifth leg to that charming photo of our neighbor’s black cat, the one that has psoriasis.
Even when I find interesting wildlife, I need good position and nice light to make a decent image. This is easy in a studio with controllable lights and human subjects who cooperate, but bobcats, hawks, river otters, etc. can be hyper-sensitive DIVAS who urgently need to be elsewhere just as I’m pushing the shutter button. I have quite a collection of photos like this:
Today’s primary photo is a close-up of a juvenile Red-tailed Hawk. The PLAN was to go find a bobcat (which I did later that morning, see above). The CAPTURE was pretty easy, because my camera has 3 custom presets which control all camera parameters, and one of those presets I’ve set specifically for a perched bird in morning sun. I can select the preset in about 2 seconds. The POST consisted of very little; just cropping and rotating the image to position the bird in the frame.
Cheers,
Dave
1 RTFM: Read The Fu**ing Manual
Cheers,
Dave
1 RTFM: Read The Fu**ing Manual
Creature of the Day: Turkey Vulture and/or Helicopter (February 16, 2016)
RESEARCH PROJECT: “What? I didn’t see anything.”
In order to supplement my meager income from photography, I occasionally take on OBSCENELY LUCRATIVE secret research contracts from CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS which I am not at liberty to name because they’re, like I just said, secret. My most recent assignment explores the odd-but-effective science of misdirection, the foundation of 1) all entertainment magic, 2) American electoral politics, and 3) wicked PRACTICES(1) foisted upon hapless seekers in Marin County(2), (also Portland, Seattle, Mendocino, Forestville, Jenner, Santa Cruz, and Big Sur) by nefarious AGENTS of CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS.
We all know that the magician doesn’t REALLY cut the pretty lady in half, but it’s a pretty good trick, isn’t it? So, it’s no surprise that CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS want to understand the precise mechanisms by which feckless “citizens” (i.e., patsies, dupes, rubes, yokels, and suckers) can be reliably manipulated, particularly for the purpose of concealing otherwise obvious, usually malevolent, and always massively klepto-profitable activities.
In a recent SECRET EXPERIMENT, I included a photograph of a GREAT BIG ORANGE COAST GUARD HELICOPTER (photo attached) in a CotD story about hawks, and only one subscriber (my keenly observant brother, Phil) noticed it. Naturally, I can’t reveal exactly how I did it, but I can tell you that the technique is a close cousin to that used by the intergalactically famous JEDI KNIGHTS:
Guard: “Do you have any identification?”
Jedi Knight, gesturing slowly with hand, speaking softly, gently, hypnotically: “We do not need any identification.”
Guard, mysteriously persuaded: “You do not need any identification.”
All of us in the Creature-of-the-Day cult/community enthusiastically undertake our duty to REPORT outrageous, bizarre, unconventional, untoward, or provocative ideas, unsupported theories, vague assertions, micro-aggressions, unjustified conclusions, and/or violations of the CotD Bylaws which may appear in our email inboxes (or anywhere else we encounter them). Absent such reports (except from Phil), we conclude that the misdirection experiment was 98.637% successful.
(You hear only the sound of my voice. You are getting very sleepy. I have included a photo of extremely rare Turkey Vulture twins, but you will not even notice the photo, nor the fact that the two birds have different color eyes. But you will wake up now feeing relieved, relaxed, and strangely joyful.)
Cheers,
Dave
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(1) CERTIFIED PYRAMID THERAPIST, KARMIC ADJUSTMENT COUNSELOR, TRANSACTIONAL ASTROLOGER, AURA COLLIMATION TECHNICIAN, COSMIC AUDITOR, CRYSTAL ENLIGHTENMENT MASSEUSE, HERBAL SPIRIT GUIDE, PEYOTE TRANSFORMATION JEFE, etc.
(2) I spend a substantial portion of my time in Marin County, so I have ample opportunity to immerse myself in thoughtful olfaction of its peculiar cultural bouquet. As a native-born Marinite (not to be confused with Maronite, which refers to certain Christians from Lebanon), I speak several Marin dialects fluently, am familiar with the customs, rituals, hierarchies, and proclivities of “the Marinated”, and can easily pass for LOCAL in Sausalito, San Geronimo, Inverness, Bolinas, Fairfax, Forest Knolls, Novato, San Anselmo, Mill Valley, Nicasio, Stinson Beach, Marshall, Point Reyes Station, Tiburon, Larkspur, Woodacre, San Rafael – or even in, dare I say it, Ross (but not Belvedere, a dislocated suburb of Portofino, Italy).
In order to supplement my meager income from photography, I occasionally take on OBSCENELY LUCRATIVE secret research contracts from CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS which I am not at liberty to name because they’re, like I just said, secret. My most recent assignment explores the odd-but-effective science of misdirection, the foundation of 1) all entertainment magic, 2) American electoral politics, and 3) wicked PRACTICES(1) foisted upon hapless seekers in Marin County(2), (also Portland, Seattle, Mendocino, Forestville, Jenner, Santa Cruz, and Big Sur) by nefarious AGENTS of CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS.
We all know that the magician doesn’t REALLY cut the pretty lady in half, but it’s a pretty good trick, isn’t it? So, it’s no surprise that CERTAIN ORGANIZATIONS want to understand the precise mechanisms by which feckless “citizens” (i.e., patsies, dupes, rubes, yokels, and suckers) can be reliably manipulated, particularly for the purpose of concealing otherwise obvious, usually malevolent, and always massively klepto-profitable activities.
In a recent SECRET EXPERIMENT, I included a photograph of a GREAT BIG ORANGE COAST GUARD HELICOPTER (photo attached) in a CotD story about hawks, and only one subscriber (my keenly observant brother, Phil) noticed it. Naturally, I can’t reveal exactly how I did it, but I can tell you that the technique is a close cousin to that used by the intergalactically famous JEDI KNIGHTS:
Guard: “Do you have any identification?”
Jedi Knight, gesturing slowly with hand, speaking softly, gently, hypnotically: “We do not need any identification.”
Guard, mysteriously persuaded: “You do not need any identification.”
All of us in the Creature-of-the-Day cult/community enthusiastically undertake our duty to REPORT outrageous, bizarre, unconventional, untoward, or provocative ideas, unsupported theories, vague assertions, micro-aggressions, unjustified conclusions, and/or violations of the CotD Bylaws which may appear in our email inboxes (or anywhere else we encounter them). Absent such reports (except from Phil), we conclude that the misdirection experiment was 98.637% successful.
(You hear only the sound of my voice. You are getting very sleepy. I have included a photo of extremely rare Turkey Vulture twins, but you will not even notice the photo, nor the fact that the two birds have different color eyes. But you will wake up now feeing relieved, relaxed, and strangely joyful.)
Cheers,
Dave
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(1) CERTIFIED PYRAMID THERAPIST, KARMIC ADJUSTMENT COUNSELOR, TRANSACTIONAL ASTROLOGER, AURA COLLIMATION TECHNICIAN, COSMIC AUDITOR, CRYSTAL ENLIGHTENMENT MASSEUSE, HERBAL SPIRIT GUIDE, PEYOTE TRANSFORMATION JEFE, etc.
(2) I spend a substantial portion of my time in Marin County, so I have ample opportunity to immerse myself in thoughtful olfaction of its peculiar cultural bouquet. As a native-born Marinite (not to be confused with Maronite, which refers to certain Christians from Lebanon), I speak several Marin dialects fluently, am familiar with the customs, rituals, hierarchies, and proclivities of “the Marinated”, and can easily pass for LOCAL in Sausalito, San Geronimo, Inverness, Bolinas, Fairfax, Forest Knolls, Novato, San Anselmo, Mill Valley, Nicasio, Stinson Beach, Marshall, Point Reyes Station, Tiburon, Larkspur, Woodacre, San Rafael – or even in, dare I say it, Ross (but not Belvedere, a dislocated suburb of Portofino, Italy).
Creature of the Day: Merlin (February 12, 2016)
A Merlin is a small falcon. This is the first time I’ve ever photographed a Merlin, and I can only recall once, several years ago, when I THOUGHT I saw one but wasn’t really sure. Merlins are high-speed air-to-air predators feeding mainly on other birds. Many raptors feed on other birds, and often other closely related birds.
Some USBPINLs(1) are UPSET by birds that prey on other birds, especially when the prey bird is a closely related species. I’m sorry, but there’s probably not much that can be done about such near-cannibalistic behavior, other than capturing the birds and forcing them to attend a series of Predation Realignment Seminars. We all know that birds are dinosaurs, right?
Raptors(2) are a charismatic and often incredibly beautiful group of birds. In spite of their charisma and beauty, their eating habits have convinced many USBPINLs that raptors are Machiavellian, repulsive, loathsome, and psycho3.
Best regards,
Dave
P.S: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLES DARWIN5, born February 12, 1809
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(1) USBPINLs are Ultra-Sensitive but Poorly Informed Nature Lovers
(2) Nerd-note: Falcons are more closely related to parrots and song birds than to hawks and eagles, so “raptors” is not a clade. Long story…
(3) MACHIAVELLIAN, REPULSIVE, LOATHSOME, and PSYCHO is a powerfully comprehensive phrase that evokes something – um, well -- Machiavellian, repulsive, loathsome, and psycho. I want to emphasize that it’s NOT MY PHRASE. I BORROWED it. It had been used as a description of Richard Nixon by SOMEONE OUT THERE in cyberspace. I expect that sooner or later, I’ll confess the plagiarism to Oprah Winfrey4 in a highly-publicized, widely-televised, live-streamed, tear-soaked ORGY OF REMORSE.
(4) YES, I KNOW. “Winfrey” is redundant when used with “Oprah”. But since “Strauss” is not redundant when used with “Dave”, I feel DISRESPECTED when MONONYMOUS people like Oprah, Beyonce, Cher, Rihanna, Adele, Pink, Jay-Z, Ice-T, Bono, Brandy, Monique Madonna, Twiggy, and MOZART are out-cooling me in my own post. (Janet -- Is it OK to footnote a footnote?)
(5) Some fragile, shy-as-a-bunny, milksop Creature-of-the-Day readers have complained that I use UPPER CASE, bold, italics, and sometimes UNDERLINED, UPPER CASE, BOLD ITALICS excessively. They tell me that they are DEEPLY and PERSONALLY OFFENDED by my typographic bellicosity. NONSENSE. This is AMERICA. Haven’t you people heard of THE CONSTITUTION? Oh sure, you’re all over the 2nd Amendment, but what about the 1st? UNDERLINED, UPPER CASE, BOLD ITALICS are speech, my dear readers, and so are protected by the Supremes (Diana Ross, Clarence Thomas, etc.)
Some USBPINLs(1) are UPSET by birds that prey on other birds, especially when the prey bird is a closely related species. I’m sorry, but there’s probably not much that can be done about such near-cannibalistic behavior, other than capturing the birds and forcing them to attend a series of Predation Realignment Seminars. We all know that birds are dinosaurs, right?
Raptors(2) are a charismatic and often incredibly beautiful group of birds. In spite of their charisma and beauty, their eating habits have convinced many USBPINLs that raptors are Machiavellian, repulsive, loathsome, and psycho3.
Best regards,
Dave
P.S: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLES DARWIN5, born February 12, 1809
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(1) USBPINLs are Ultra-Sensitive but Poorly Informed Nature Lovers
(2) Nerd-note: Falcons are more closely related to parrots and song birds than to hawks and eagles, so “raptors” is not a clade. Long story…
(3) MACHIAVELLIAN, REPULSIVE, LOATHSOME, and PSYCHO is a powerfully comprehensive phrase that evokes something – um, well -- Machiavellian, repulsive, loathsome, and psycho. I want to emphasize that it’s NOT MY PHRASE. I BORROWED it. It had been used as a description of Richard Nixon by SOMEONE OUT THERE in cyberspace. I expect that sooner or later, I’ll confess the plagiarism to Oprah Winfrey4 in a highly-publicized, widely-televised, live-streamed, tear-soaked ORGY OF REMORSE.
(4) YES, I KNOW. “Winfrey” is redundant when used with “Oprah”. But since “Strauss” is not redundant when used with “Dave”, I feel DISRESPECTED when MONONYMOUS people like Oprah, Beyonce, Cher, Rihanna, Adele, Pink, Jay-Z, Ice-T, Bono, Brandy, Monique Madonna, Twiggy, and MOZART are out-cooling me in my own post. (Janet -- Is it OK to footnote a footnote?)
(5) Some fragile, shy-as-a-bunny, milksop Creature-of-the-Day readers have complained that I use UPPER CASE, bold, italics, and sometimes UNDERLINED, UPPER CASE, BOLD ITALICS excessively. They tell me that they are DEEPLY and PERSONALLY OFFENDED by my typographic bellicosity. NONSENSE. This is AMERICA. Haven’t you people heard of THE CONSTITUTION? Oh sure, you’re all over the 2nd Amendment, but what about the 1st? UNDERLINED, UPPER CASE, BOLD ITALICS are speech, my dear readers, and so are protected by the Supremes (Diana Ross, Clarence Thomas, etc.)
Creature of the Day: Pied-billed Grebe (February 4, 2016)
MY DENTIST IS NOT ORIN SCRIVELLO
What does the name Orin Scrivello mean to you? Anyone? I don’t see any raised hands. Orin Scrivello was the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors. Steve Martin played the nitrous oxide-sniffing sadist in the terrific 1986 movie. (WOW; 30 years ago. I have some fond memories of the 80s; that’s one of them.)
I had a dental appointment in Greenbrae at 9:00 AM today, so I left early and had some time to shoot a few pictures up at THE PONDS* before I had to show up to sit in THE CHAIR. Although many people are terrified of dentists, I’m not. My dentist is a talented, 35-ish woman who is technically skilled, and quite gentle -- even when filling my mouth with retractors, files, drills, pliers, flashlights, tiny jackhammers, super-glue, probes, scrapers, suction pumps, and fingers – both hers and her dental assistant’s. Her only fault (to the extent I can determine her faults from my supine position in her dental chair) is her ultra-soft voice.
SORRY, I got distracted. Today’s photo is a Pied-billed Grebe. I’m guessing that Amy is the only subscriber to CotD that has ever heard of a Pied-billed Grebe. I think you’ll agree that it’s a pretty nice-looking creature. It has a stylish black ring around its bill, a classy white ring around its eye, and a fine reflection, even in water of dubious provenance.
Cheers,
Dave
*THE PONDS refers -- ever so delicately -- to the Las Gallinas Sewage Treatment Ponds at the end of Smith Ranch Road in San Rafael.
What does the name Orin Scrivello mean to you? Anyone? I don’t see any raised hands. Orin Scrivello was the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors. Steve Martin played the nitrous oxide-sniffing sadist in the terrific 1986 movie. (WOW; 30 years ago. I have some fond memories of the 80s; that’s one of them.)
I had a dental appointment in Greenbrae at 9:00 AM today, so I left early and had some time to shoot a few pictures up at THE PONDS* before I had to show up to sit in THE CHAIR. Although many people are terrified of dentists, I’m not. My dentist is a talented, 35-ish woman who is technically skilled, and quite gentle -- even when filling my mouth with retractors, files, drills, pliers, flashlights, tiny jackhammers, super-glue, probes, scrapers, suction pumps, and fingers – both hers and her dental assistant’s. Her only fault (to the extent I can determine her faults from my supine position in her dental chair) is her ultra-soft voice.
SORRY, I got distracted. Today’s photo is a Pied-billed Grebe. I’m guessing that Amy is the only subscriber to CotD that has ever heard of a Pied-billed Grebe. I think you’ll agree that it’s a pretty nice-looking creature. It has a stylish black ring around its bill, a classy white ring around its eye, and a fine reflection, even in water of dubious provenance.
Cheers,
Dave
*THE PONDS refers -- ever so delicately -- to the Las Gallinas Sewage Treatment Ponds at the end of Smith Ranch Road in San Rafael.
Creature of the Day: Cooper's Hawk (January 23, 2016)
This photo shows a 1st-year Cooper’s hawk.
Cooper’s Hawks are beautiful birds and ferocious predators. Although they’ll take other animals like small mammals and lizards, their main prey consists of other birds, which they capture in their talons -- usually in mid-air. They will sometimes drown live prey in a nearby stream or pond before taking it to a fence post to pluck it! YIKES.
Cooper’s hawks will pursue all kinds of birds, including their very closest cousin species, the Sharp-shinned hawk --- which is a very similar-looking hawk, and which is often mis-identified as a Cooper’s. That’s ALMOST cannibalism! (And furthermore, they also eat Kestrels.)
As with many hawks, the females are considerably bigger than the males, but I don’t know if this bird is male or female.
I found this fine hawk as I was returning from Abbott’s Lagoon after taking the bobcat photo.
Cheers,
Dave
Cooper’s Hawks are beautiful birds and ferocious predators. Although they’ll take other animals like small mammals and lizards, their main prey consists of other birds, which they capture in their talons -- usually in mid-air. They will sometimes drown live prey in a nearby stream or pond before taking it to a fence post to pluck it! YIKES.
Cooper’s hawks will pursue all kinds of birds, including their very closest cousin species, the Sharp-shinned hawk --- which is a very similar-looking hawk, and which is often mis-identified as a Cooper’s. That’s ALMOST cannibalism! (And furthermore, they also eat Kestrels.)
As with many hawks, the females are considerably bigger than the males, but I don’t know if this bird is male or female.
I found this fine hawk as I was returning from Abbott’s Lagoon after taking the bobcat photo.
Cheers,
Dave
Creature of the Day: Bobcat (January 20, 2016)
I decided a couple of days ago that I wanted to photograph a bobcat. Although I’ve seen bobcats many times in Marin, usually very early in the morning, I’ve only taken a photo of a bobcat once (on the north slope of Loma Alta). On that occasion, the cat was too far away and the photo was terrible.
This morning I left home at about 5:30 for Abbott’s Lagoon, specifically with the intention of finding and photographing a bobcat. Arriving at the trailhead at about 7:00 -- just as the sun was rising -- I mounted my camera on a tripod and slowly walked out to the lagoon. There were lots of birds, brush rabbits, and black-tailed deer along the trail, but nothing unusual. When I reached the little bridge at the connector-creek between the upper and lower lagoon, I sensed motion to my left. BOBCAT. I had about 5 seconds to get off a few shots. CLICK CLICK CLICK.
This morning I left home at about 5:30 for Abbott’s Lagoon, specifically with the intention of finding and photographing a bobcat. Arriving at the trailhead at about 7:00 -- just as the sun was rising -- I mounted my camera on a tripod and slowly walked out to the lagoon. There were lots of birds, brush rabbits, and black-tailed deer along the trail, but nothing unusual. When I reached the little bridge at the connector-creek between the upper and lower lagoon, I sensed motion to my left. BOBCAT. I had about 5 seconds to get off a few shots. CLICK CLICK CLICK.
Creature of the Day: Osprey (January 14, 2016)
Please have a good look at this photo before you read my scintillating commentary below. May I suggest a response? “COOL BIRD! BEAUTIFUL SKY! WOW!”
AND NOW please award yourself TWO GOLD STARS and FIVE BROWNIE POINTS if you have detected the GROTESQUE FRAUD perpetrated by ROGUE photo editors at Creature of the Day Global Headquarters. As you all know, my reverence for JUSTICE and INTEGRITY, and my SPOTLESS REPUTATION drive me to the journalistic perfection you see in every issue of CotD. So, of course I TRIED TO STOP THEM, but they locked me in a room, bound me, and drowned out my screams of protest and oaths of vengeance with a giant boom-box playing short recorded loops of FOX NEWS (Sean Hannity) at high volume. It was HELL.
FULL DISCLOSURE: This image is actually a composite of two separate photographs. I took the osprey shot at the Port of Richmond in March, 2015. The sky is a sunrise from our deck taken in September, 2015. It’s pretty easy to spot the mismatch. You can see from the shadow and bright area near his head that the osprey is lit from the sun positioned somewhere above and to his left. But – the sky is either a sunrise or sunset, so that means the sun has to be very close to the horizon. See what I mean? …can’t be real.
But remember: My PEERS at The New York Times, Washington Post, Rolling Stone, New Yorker, and incredibly, even the unimpeachable Mad Magazine -- have all been caught publishing bogus material at one time or another. So, I’m like, WHATEVER.
AND NOW please award yourself TWO GOLD STARS and FIVE BROWNIE POINTS if you have detected the GROTESQUE FRAUD perpetrated by ROGUE photo editors at Creature of the Day Global Headquarters. As you all know, my reverence for JUSTICE and INTEGRITY, and my SPOTLESS REPUTATION drive me to the journalistic perfection you see in every issue of CotD. So, of course I TRIED TO STOP THEM, but they locked me in a room, bound me, and drowned out my screams of protest and oaths of vengeance with a giant boom-box playing short recorded loops of FOX NEWS (Sean Hannity) at high volume. It was HELL.
FULL DISCLOSURE: This image is actually a composite of two separate photographs. I took the osprey shot at the Port of Richmond in March, 2015. The sky is a sunrise from our deck taken in September, 2015. It’s pretty easy to spot the mismatch. You can see from the shadow and bright area near his head that the osprey is lit from the sun positioned somewhere above and to his left. But – the sky is either a sunrise or sunset, so that means the sun has to be very close to the horizon. See what I mean? …can’t be real.
But remember: My PEERS at The New York Times, Washington Post, Rolling Stone, New Yorker, and incredibly, even the unimpeachable Mad Magazine -- have all been caught publishing bogus material at one time or another. So, I’m like, WHATEVER.